Eastern Statesman

Student newspaper of Eastern Oklahoma State College

By CULLEN MURRIN, Staff Writer

I’ve been a movie lover all my life, which has led to my desire to make movies of my own. It is constantly on my mind in some way or at least a movie in general. These past two or three semesters have been tough — both emotionally and mentally — and I feel like by procrastinating I’ve hurt myself in those ways.

My next step on the path to filmmaking has been heavy on my mind, and I’ve done a lot of overthinking, procrastinating and feeling completely stupid and hopeless. I’ve also been feeling like I’m not strong enough to make it in the industry because I’m not good enough at doing the work now.

All those feelings are because of some procrastination and endless overthinking. But all I had to do to feel better was a little more work. And to go easier on myself. Right now, I’m in my last semester at Eastern, and I’m in the act of applying to different colleges with the intent to major in film.

I’m excited. I feel better than I have in a while regarding my future, and I guess a lot of that is because I’m taking action. I’m taking breaks that aren’t a week long but just a few hours or a day. I’m working hard in my current courses, and I have done more work this week in one sitting than I have since my first year here, and I feel good because of that.

My plan for the day is to finish this story and study just a tad for another test, which isn’t due for almost a week. We’ll see though. My plans frequently change just a little bit. One thing I am sure of, though, is that I am currently doing better in general than I was a month ago, and I’m glad for that.

I’m always down on myself and my efforts in some way, primarily regarding my future as a filmmaker. (More specifically, what I am and am not doing now to achieve it). But I have shown myself this week that I have the potential to do what I sometimes doubted. That is work hard and consistently. And still have time for enjoyment of other things.

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